Trust and safety

A case about a relationship inevitably concerns people who never agreed to be discussed on a website. That shapes how the platform is built, not just what we ask of you.

You can invite someone into a case, but only they can accept. Not you, not a moderator, not an administrator — there is no override anywhere in the system. Until they accept, nobody can tell who they are: others see a relationship (“a family member was invited”) and nothing more.

There is no field anywhere for the name, address, phone number or photograph of someone who has not consented. That is a property of the database, not a rule we are asking you to follow, so there is nothing to leak.

Anyone who accepts can withdraw later. Withdrawal takes effect immediately and is final — a declined or withdrawn invitation cannot be re-sent, so nobody can be worn down by repetition.

Every case starts private, visible to nobody but you. Your profile is not discoverable until you turn that on, and your location stays hidden by default. Each of those is a decision you make deliberately, rather than something you have to notice and undo.

A case you cannot see returns the same “not found” as one that does not exist. That is on purpose: telling somebody “you are not allowed to see this case” would confirm the case is real, which is exactly what a relative searching for it would want to know.

Deleting a case removes its discussion, its supporters and its participant records with it. Nothing you wrote is kept behind for other people to read.

People here are in the middle of something painful, and often have not decided what they want. Useful support usually sounds like “here is what happened when I tried that” rather than “here is what you should do”.

You can disagree with someone’s choices. Say so kindly, once, and let it rest. Contempt, pile-ons and repeated pressure are not disagreement.

There is no downvote on this platform, and there will not be one. Reactions are supportive only — that removes a whole category of behaviour rather than moderating it after the fact.

Anything here can be reported — a case, a comment, a post, a profile, a community. Reports describing a threat, coercion or a risk of self-harm go to the top of the queue automatically, without waiting for a human to sort them.

Your name is not shown to the person you reported. You can see what happened to your own reports at your report history, though not the moderator’s internal notes.

Reporting something does not hide it. Withholding content is a moderator’s decision, so that a report cannot be used as a mute button against a case somebody dislikes.

Moderators can withhold content, lock a discussion, warn an account or suspend one. Every action requires a written reason and is recorded — an action nobody can review afterwards is indistinguishable from an arbitrary one.

A moderator cannot read the audit trail, administer accounts, or appoint another moderator. Those are separate powers held by administrators, and the separation is enforced by the server rather than by convention.

If you are warned or suspended, you are told, and you are told why.

Community support is genuinely useful for feeling less alone and for hearing how other people handled a conversation. It is not a substitute for a professional, and there are situations where you should go straight to one:

• —You feel unsafe, or someone has threatened you.
• —You are being prevented from leaving, working, studying, or contacting people.
• —Your passport, money or documents are being withheld.
• —You are being pressured towards a marriage you have not agreed to.
• —You are struggling to cope, or thinking about harming yourself.
• —You need to know your actual legal position rather than a general summary.

The resource directory lists mediation services, counsellors, legal-information providers and safety organisations, each added and checked by a volunteer. We do not provide legal, medical or psychological advice ourselves, and nothing on this site is advice about your particular circumstances.